I was feeling lethargic but I know enough to NEVER say the word “depressed” to a health care professional. I read that very low doses of a central nervous system stimulant can do wonders for a man my age, but of course no doctor wants to prescribe such a thing. They are “dangerous” and I might hurt myself. I mean, 40 years ago I would take everything, methamphetamine, cocaine, Dexedrine… I liked them. Then I became a religious fanatic for about 30 years and didn’t take anything at all, not even a beer.
I find it really just stupid that I can’t buy drugs myself but rather have to get an appointment with a professional who will evaluate me and decide for me whether or not I can try a drug. If I wanted to abuse drugs I would go to a bar or a park to look for drugs, not a doctor and a pharmacy. Sure we need to control drugs, but someone who has no history of drug abuse and wants to see if a drug will make me feel better just can’t.
Some people believe the hype and are afraid of drugs. But the very reason for drugs is that they make people feel better. We all want to feel better, and it is okay to try a diet of maple syrup, lemon and vinegar but not any extract of the coca plant found in Peruvian mountains. I have been to Cuzco, Peru, where they sell candies made with small quantities of coca, and simply everywhere there is a tea made with the leaves to help with the altitude sickness. I think I still have the T-shirt that says, in Spanish the coca is not cocaine.
I am not deluding myself or others about the dangers of drugs. Perhaps the only thing that saved my life from drug abuse is the fact that I do not like pain killers and sedatives. I like beer and liquor in the right situation, but I don’t like to get drunk. I do like very mild stimulants like nicotine and caffeine. I liked cocaine too when I was in High School and I liked the tea they gave away in Cuzco. But try getting a doctor who will let me try a stimulant. I told all of this to a few doctors and was offered no help. One Nurse Practitioner suggested I see a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist who can prescribe stuff. Soooo, I looked. I really did. I left voice messages at several places and they must be horribly busy because they did not call me back. So a few weeks later I did it again, and talked to one receptionist who said the next appointment would be in six months. Another said they did not take my insurance, which is the best in the world. I tried to call back and say I would pay cash, but had to leave a voice message.
My internist suggested a testosterone therapy and gave me a phone number. Easy, more than easy. Very quickly I got an appointment and the adventure began.